" 'Cause sometimes when you lose your way, it's really just as well. Because you find yourself. Yeah, that's when you find yourself." -Brad Paisley, "Find Yourself"

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

21. Relfection

I really enjoyed writing this blog. I love blogging, and I plan on making more time for it in the future. I unfortunately didn't keep up very well with this blog, and ended up posting a ton right at the end. However, I have learned some new things about myself as I've taken this journey through my first semester of college.

One really interesting thing I noticed as I was comparing what I wrote near the beginning to what I wrote at the end is that I wrote two of the same blogs without realizing it. #4 and #18 talk about the same point, just with slightly different points of view. It is rather interesting to see (1) how they are similar and (2) how they are different. The fact that they are so similar, and yet written several months apart, tells me that writing really is something that is good for me. This has solidified in my brain that I need to keep blogging because obviously someone is trying to tell me something...

As I look back over this semester and my posts, I can see how I've progressed into a better writer. The first thing I can see is my titles: they got much more creative and interesting as I went along. I think I am going to keep blogging so I can continue to see my progression over the course of my four to six years of college. Maybe someday I can show my kids my blog so they can see that I really was a kid once, and know what I'm talking about when I try to give them advice.

Anyway, this has been a great experience, and I have learned alot about myself. I hope to learn more as I continue blogging in the future.

20. Music Speaks Louder Than Words

So, I decided that since I'm a music person, I need to have at least one post about music on here, and this has been on my mind lately, because we have talked about it in Music 101.

When music was first written, it was accompaniment only, or used for meditative purposes. Over the centuries, people started recognizing that it has a power of its own. Today, it is the driving force behind movies, plays, TV shows, and life in general. You'd be hard pressed to walk down the street and not see someone with headphones in, listening to music. At the theater, if you're scared, it's better to plug your ears than close your eyes. Why? Because music is more powerful than words.

If you've never played an instrument, you may not have felt the soul to soul connection that can only come through music. I am one of those lucky enough in this life to feel that connection. As I play, I feel as if I'm speaking in a different language, one which everyone understands and speaks. I've felt the touch of another's soul on mine as I've either played or listened to someone else play. The only other feeling in the world I can equate it to is the feeling I get when the Spirit, a soul, touches mine and whispers truth.

That is why music is so beautiful and dangerous. Music can be used for great good: we sing hymns at church and bring the Spirit into our homes with good music. But music can also be used for great evil. Satan can use music to create turmoil, hate, anger, and contention. The leaders of the Church have begun stressing more and more how important it is to be careful of the music we listen to, because it affects us so deeply. Music arouses strong emotions, for good or ill.

I do not know if there has been official declarations on whether certain types of music are good or bad, but I know how I feel. That is what the Apostles and Prophets tell us: listen to the Spirit and what He is telling you. If He wants to leave when you hear a song, you shouldn't be listening to that song.

For me, music is a way to connect to God. It calms me down when I am frustrated, helps me recenter my life and focus on listening for the Spirit. That's why I keep playing it: I long for that connection to another soul, specifically to the Holy Spirit. I'd like to add my testimony to those of the Prophets and Apostles: listen to good music, for it will bring you great joy and be an helpmeet to you. Beware of that music which drives the Spirit away, for music can chase away the Spirit faster than you can say the name of the song. To borrow a quote from Forever Strong: "Listen right."

19. Stronger Than I Ever Knew

I recently heard a poem that I loved. It's called The Oak Tree, by Johnny Ray Ryder Jr.
"A mighty wind blew night and day
It stole the oak tree's leaves away
Then snapped its boughs and pulled its bark
Until the oak was tired and stark

But still the oak tree held its ground
While other trees fell all around
The weary wind gave up and spoke.
How can you still be standing Oak?

The oak tree said, I know that you
Can break each branch of mine in two
Carry every leaf away
Shake my limbs, and make me sway

But I have roots stretched in the earth
Growing stronger since my birth
You'll never touch them, for you see
They are the deepest part of me

Until today, I wasn't sure
Of just how much I could endure
But now I've found, with thanks to you
I'm stronger than I ever knew"

I love this poem because it puts so simply why we face trials, or at least one reason why. Jesus spoke in parables. Why? I think one reason is because it makes the lessons more accessible. This poem does that using vivid imagery. Everyone has seen a storm whip a tree around, or tear it's branches off. Everyone has felt the winds of trials rip into them. We can relate to the oak tree and gain strength to stand strong.

I hope that when we stand before Christ at the Judgement Day, we can say to the wind "I've found, with thanks to you, I'm stronger than I ever knew." Trials help us, even if they hurt while we're going through them.

I have had an experience with this. My Sophomore year of High School, I was struggling with everything, school, church, friends, everything. I felt like I was lost, being tossed by a mighty wind all over the place, with no roots. No matter how hard I prayed, I felt like no one was listening. But someone was, and He sent me one of my best friends in the whole world. This friend helped me get through the year, by listening when I needed someone to talk to, by sending random texts throughout the day to make me smile, by doing his best to understand what I was going through, even though he didn't fully understand all the Spiritual stuff. He helped me find my roots.

At the end of that year, I looked back and realized that I had not left my roots, the wind had just twisted me so I couldn't see them. After that year, I could look the wind in the face and say "Until today, I wasn't sure Of just how much I could endure, But now I've found, with thanks to you, I'm stronger than I ever knew."

Just like the Brad Paisley song quoted beneath my blog picture, I lost myself, but with the help of a friend sent strait from God in answer to a desperate cry for help, I got through the wind and found that my roots go deeper than I thought. I have a stronger testimony now that God does hear and answer our prayers. I also know that He knows what's best for us, what winds we must face to grow stronger, and He knows exactly how deep our roots go. If we turn to Him, He will not let the wind knock us down. We may get scratched, dented, bruised, torn, and scarred, but at the end of the day, we will be able to stand before Him and say "I have given my all, I have fought the good fight."

poem courtesy of http://www.ellenbailey.com/poems/ellen_143.htm

Monday, December 6, 2010

18. I Wrote That?

J.K. Rowling, in her interview with Oprah said something I found interesting. She said that before she wrote Harry Potter, she couldn't have told you her beliefs, but now that she has written it, she understands better what she believes. I understand what she meant. I have found an understanding as I wrote my personal narrative.

When we were told to pick a memory that taught us something from life, I thought "well, that's it! I can't think of a single memory that taught me something; it took lots of times over the course of years to teach me the lessons I know now." However, as I thought a prayed about it, one memory kept returning: that of Dave on a scraggly old hill in Colorado. This is what I eventually wrote my personal narrative on, as posted below.

When I first thought of that memory, I still wasn't sure exactly what I had learned from that experience, except a special bond with Dave and another song added to my favorites list. However, as I started writing, a lesson took shape, and I realized as I wrote what I had learned from that experience. Thus, I understood better what J. K. Rowling was talking about.

I also had another testimony of this near the beginning of the semester. This is also posted below, but I'd like to focus on a different aspect of it. My first horn lesson, my teacher asked me why I play French Horn. As I thought about that, I felt the urge to write it down. I had recently started blogging more, so I decided to blog about it. You cannot tell as well from the post below, since I edited it to make it less scattered, but you can see the process I went through on the original post here: http://byu-adventure.blogspot.com/ . I wrote that post over the course of five days. As I wrote down my thoughts, they started forming better pictures and lines in my head; they started making more sense. This was one of the strongest testimony-growing experiences I have had in relation to writing.

This idea is one of the reasons I believe we should keep journals. I know not all of us feel less scattered after all our thoughts are on paper, but I know many of us do. Maybe we should try journalling just to clear our heads, sort of like cleaning house every night so when we wake up in the morning, our brain is ready and waiting to fill itself up again with as many ideas as we can throw at it.

My experiences with blogging have given me a firmer resolution to journal in order to make sense of the mess in my head, in order to clean house so I can face tomorrow with a clean house, ready for the crazy children of the day to come in and run wild.

17. Agency: A New Deifinition

Agency. We talk about it so much, it has become common place. What do you think of when you think of agency? Until the last couple months, I thought of agency as refusing to drink or rejecting Satan's temptations, but now I see it as so much more.

There is too much stuff to put it all in a blog post and not have it be extremely long-winded and boring. But there is one idea in the scriptures that hit me hard: God will not force a man to Heaven. We see this idea whenever resurrection or sanctification is mentioned. We also see it in Moroni when God talks about how both He and Satan entice men one way or the other, but never force them. It is one of the reasons we don't take the Sacrament unworthily. It is why God lets us make stupid mistakes, and lets some of His children leave Him forever. Our ability to choose for ourselves is more important to Him than getting all of His children back, and it is more important to us (or was when we understood what that meant). That sounds horrible, but it boils down to what happened in the pre-mortal life: Satan's plan to take our free agency was rejected by everyone who is currently (or ever has been) on the Earth in favor of the Plan where we retained our agency, knowing full well that that meant some of us might not return.

As I've thought more about this idea, it has become ever more clear to me how much (1) agency matters and is important and (2) how much God trusts us. He trusts us to not only get ourselves Home, but to also bring as many of His other children with us as possible. My hope and prayer is that we will use this gift of agency, over which a war was fought in Heaven, to choose to come Home and choose to help as many of our brothers and sisters as we can make it Home, too.

16. Harry Potter and J.K. Rowling

I don't know if you saw it, but about a month ago, J.K. Rowling gave Oprah an exclusive interview, one of only a few she's ever given. I watched most of it, and it was very amazing. It was like other interviews, where the questions and answers are predictable. This was emotional: J.K. Rowling almost cried once. It was amazing to hear her reasons for the books and how her life affected the books. If you haven't seen it, go to http://video.the-leaky-cauldron.org/video/1629 and watch it. It's amazing.

J.K. Rowling talks about her life. When she started writing Harry Potter, she was clinically depressed, poor, and struggling to support her daughter. 6 months after she started the books, her mother died. She herself says that this made the books what they are today. The Harry Potter books are about death, how it affects the living, its many forms, etc. From her life, she drew characters such as the dementors, who represent how one feels when they are depressed. The story about the books coming to her on a train is true. Everything just popped into her head, flooding her with all the specifics about Hogwarts and wizards and such. In this interview, she talked about her family and her first marriage in depth for the first time.

One of my favorite quotes from the interview was actually from a commencement speech Rowling gave at Harvard: "Rock bottom became the foundation from which I rebuilt my life." She talks of the importance of failure, and how it is not necessarily a bad thing. From failures, we learn, and we grow. Similarly, with trials, we learn and we grow. Though it would be nice to stay away from rock bottom, we can know that we have a rock we can build on: the Savior. He's always there for us, throughout our trials and hardships.

Another idea they presented was the difference between a phenomenon and something normal. They talked about it in terms of Micheal Jackson. An article they had read said that Micheal Jackson didn't realize Thriller was a phenomenon, not the norm, and he spent the rest of his life chasing a phenomenon instead of moving on. Both Oprah and J.K. Rowling agree that they must move on, leave the phenomenon as a phenomenon, and move on to something different. This applies in our lives. If we are constantly comparing ourselves to what we did then, or how we were then, we will never be happy with how we are now. We must say "that was a great phase of my life, I wonder what the next one will hold" and move on. Take lessons with us, but then let the rest play out how it should. Many people waste away trying to relive the glory days and they miss the beautiful, fascinating, and wonderful things about the now. I hope that I and each of us will be able to appreciate the now instead of constantly looking back at the then and making ourselves unhappy in the process. Happiness now comes from enjoying the now, and not living in the past.

This interview was very interesting, even from a non-fan point of view. As with the rock bottom quote, many of the subject they discuss can be applied to our life today. This video is well worth the time it takes to watch it.

15. Cutting Up Others' Words

When we were beginning our research paper, we talked about different strategies to write it. We watched a video of different famous people talking about how they write papers. My favorite was the cut-n-paste method. It involved reading tons of books, finding every quote you might possibly use and typing them up, citations and all. Then you print out the quotes and take a pair of scissors to it. You go crazy, cutting up the quotes and such, and end up with pieces of paper all over the floor/table. Then you pick those pieces of the quotes you like and outline your paper with them. You glue/tape them to another piece of paper, organized, and then go to your original quotes and find the citations for each quote you picked to use. Finally, write your paper around those quotes.

This method works very well for research-based papers, but it takes a lot of time. I did not do this for my research paper, because I procrastinated, but I plan on trying this method in the future.

I like this method because it is similar to how I think: all over the place. I'm very scatter-brained, and my ideas are often difficult to get down on paper. I feel like this method would give me a way to express my ideas using other's words, refining them in the process, so that when it came time to sit down and write, my ideas are succinct, simple, and already backed by experts. I also like this method because it is hands-on. I already try cutting and pasting on the computer, but I often get lost in all the windows. I like to see everything laid out side-by-side, so this method sounds to me like it would suit me well.

I plan on trying this method with future papers, and maybe even trying it with some creative writing pieces...but first I must stop procrastinating.